Sit In The Mud

Listen. Acknowledge. Empathise.

This is based off of a real life appointment

Lucia was ten minutes into her first appointment with me and she was already onto her fourth tissue. 

She had been referred to me for her head, neck and arm pain. However, prior to the appointment her life had taken a drastic turn.

“Two weeks ago my ex-husband passed away, although we were no longer together we were still very close. And I’m really worried about my son who’s now lost his dad, I’m worried he might do something he might regret. Plus my work don’t care, they just want to know when I’m coming back”

In the space of two weeks her already reduced sleep had worsened further, she’d lost weight and had an increase in panic attacks. She’d just been signed off work due to stress and already been directed to Psychological support by her GP.

“I’m just having to support everyone through this, like I always do”

We sat in silence for a few seconds before I asked “And who’s supporting you?”

She shook her head and shrugged “no one”.

Was now the right time to have an in-depth discussion around her pain and contributing factors? 

Was now the right time to be challenging her thoughts & beliefs? Or to be creating a specific detailed rehabilitation plan?

No. She needed someone to sit in the mud with her.

To “Sit in the mud” with someone is a phrase I’ve heard recently to support someone going through a distressing situation [1]. In this case Lucia needed a feeling of support that she wasn’t getting from anyone else.

The mud represents the distressing situation the person is in and all the emotions that come with it. In most situations you can’t change this immediately, like I couldn’t change the distressing experience Lucia was going through as I couldn’t bring back the person she had loved. You can’t pull them out of the mud either, there would be nothing that I could say or do that would drastically alter her emotional state. Nor would this be appropriate, as she was having a natural human reaction as part of a grief process.

Simon Sinek on LinkedIn: What does true friendship mean to you?

So instead you sit in the mud with them as a sign of support, and let them come out of it when they are ready. Of course we aren’t with our patients all of the time, so how can we show when they are with us that we are sitting in the mud with them?